For the past four or five months, a sadness has lingered in the background of my life. It's been the weirdest thing. Living life, experiencing joy, loving my daughters, and all the while this sadness just looming in the background. Tearing up daily and feeling some kind of stabbing pain in my heart. I don't know what was going on, but I choose to believe it is part of healing.
Healing includes grieving. Grieving has stages. Stages that are defined and repeated over and over again until they stop. For me, what brings the halt is acceptance and what brings acceptance is only time. Just plain time. And that is a simple and frustrating thing because I can't do anything to control it. All I could do is look beyond the sadness, see a day that would be without tears and wait for it.
And it came. ON FRIDAY. For Pete's Sake! I looked at a friend of mine and told her " I've been thinking of the saddest circumstances of my life and I cannot make myself cry. I'm just not sad right now."
Nothing that I can see brought about the change. It just happened as a result of time. And that's how these things go. For now, I am extremely grateful to be living after the sad again.
