Nonstop I think about my daughters. I worry so much and I know full well it doesn't help. My latest obsession is over their kindergarten.
I remember kindergarten. My teacher was Mrs. Hendrix. She taught me to color in the lines and recite the alphabet. If we followed instructions we were rewarded with a grape juice Popsicle. It was a safe cute environment and I loved every minute of it.
But when I think about placing my children in kindergarten, all of a sudden the very idea is daunting. I cannot reconcile the safe nurturing environment I was cocooned in, to the florescent lit, cavernous space my children are supposed to fill.
I did the requisite meeting of the teachers (there are three). I met the principal. I discussed my concerns over my children situation (their triplet-ness, and having a split home). Every single person was proper and reassuring. One of the kindergarten teachers is a multiple mom and "got" my concerns from the start.
But I am scared. Kindergarten looks like the big bad world to me. The beginning of the impending doom of the outside and the end of the sheltered inside they live in now.
Inevitably, my daughters will go to kindergarten next year. And my goal is to replace my fear with the thoughts of how kindergarten was to me. It really was a magical time in my life. I want that for my kids. So I think I'll make an effort to wish it be a magical time for them too, instead of dwelling on my own fear and insecurity. Amen.
