I now understand a little more each day what my friend was talking about when she said a few years ago that there are big chunks of your memory that will just go during this time.
I fought that statement. I fought it by taking millions of pictures of my daughters. By taking them to go and do as much as I could. By traveling to see family and friends. By looking them each in the face and making them look me in the eye so I could memorize their soul.
I'm glad I did those things. Because I did not forget a single moment of my children.
I forgot about myself.
And here's some things I forgot:
I love music. Not just worship which was the only music playing in our house for years. I love much music and have a really good time lately trying to catch up on all that I missed out on. There is a lot.
I love to cook. And I can manage to cook if I plan my time a little better, still perfecting that one.
I love to read. Read a couple books lately... a little slower than normal, but I'm catching up with myself.
I have a longer list, but my point to myself is...these things were integral to who I was as a person. And I lost them. That is so sad. It seems to me that if I could have held onto them during stress, there would have been a chance at a little peace.
The amazing thing is how God is reconciling these things to me. Gentle reminders come when I hear a song I cannot get enough of and buy it to play over and over again. When I linger a little bit looking in the fridge and get a new idea to throw together for dinner. When someone says, "hey, this is my favorite book" and I read it just to see what they like about it.
One by one, God is bringing those things that make up me, back. Each one is a gift, wrapped up perfectly with a shiny double sided satin ribbon. I get to open it, remember that I love something, and my life explodes with color again.
Thank you Lord, for bringing back those things of me that I have forgotten. Amen.
