When I wake up on the day of the week my daughters leave my home for their father's, I am anxious, I am filled with dread. I know they will be fine for the next few days, I know I will not.
Yesterday I woke up in a sea of dread, then rolled over to see a little munchkin curled up next to me. And then another munchkin popped her face in my room and begged to climb into bed. And then those two munchkins fell asleep curled up like kittens. An up on my roller coaster day.
Then, I ate breakfast alone with my third munchkin. She has a gap toothed grin no one can resist. And she was thrilled to be alone with mama. Not as thrilled as I was to be alone with her. Up even higher on my roller coaster day.
Major downer when my children did not want to go to preschool and my guilt set in for shoving them out the door into someone else's care.
Downer hung on until I got to work and enjoyed my work for awhile. My brother called me with great news. His excitement was so contagious...major up on my roller coaster day.
After that errands, appts and whatnot all in the neighborhood of my children's father. Sometimes I was only a block away. I knew my daughters were only a block away, but I could not go see them. Lowest of low, tears now.
And a decision was made, an acceptance. Cry all you want, feel dread all you want. But keep going, because there may be one more up on my roller coaster day.
