Once, someone said to me..."Someday, you know, puppies will be cute, rainbows will be bright and you will love life again."
That got under my nerves like no other statement. I think about it, I mull it over and I throw it away over and over again. The person who said it, I respect. Therefore, I keep searching for some truth in the statement. I have yet to find any.
Because it insinuates that times will have to get easier in order to find joy. To find the beauty in everyday life. What if they don't get easier? What if they get more difficult each day until we die? Are we to have no joy, no beauty then?
I know the answer. Because this well has run dry.
Right now, God is silent. Right now, I stare my own children in the face and pray like crazy that I don't grow them up too fast, that I embrace their childlike state and do not run wildy irritated that they dawdle or goof off like young children should. Right now, I cannot sleep because I don't know how I can do tomorrow, the next day, or the next. Right now, I feel cut off from friends and family because I am so tired, or so scheduled. Right now, I wish so much that I could run around doing nothing but what I wanted for a couple of days. Right now, I pray with my face pressed to the floor, that some change will come.
And I am finally wise enough to know that the change may not be a lightening of burden. It may come with the growing of new muscles, a new strength, a new outlook.
Still waiting, but I also know that that's OK, too. I know I'm right where I am supposed to be. In the middle of life, living it, and searching for joy in it. I haven't been disappointed yet. Amen.
