It's been an interesting week at our house.
In the aftermath of the happy hurricane of celebration for my childrens' 5th birthday, I became aware of my own sadness yesterday, then today, I became aware again of my daughters' sadness.
Last night one daughter was crying that she missed Daddy. And not whiney crying from not getting what she wanted, but heaving sobs.
While she cried, I held on tight to her. I looked straight into her gorgeous eyes and silently begged that her pain would run out and soon. I prayed for her. Then I laid down beside her on her bed. I told her this " I don't know why things are the way they are. I don't know why Daddy doesn't live at home. I don't know why our family lives like this. And I am so so sorry. I am so sorry it is like this. "
She listened. She didn't understand. Because I don't understand. And I struggle with how to tell the truth. And how much of the truth to tell.
I could say "Mommy and Daddy, decided it was best not to live together anymore, but we still love you." Lie.
Or "Daddy chose to move out and that's that." Harsh cold truth...with a coating of unforgiveness and a little tinge of bitterness.
Or any variation of either of those. But I can't bring myself to share with my daughter my version of why I am divorced. I don't think it is appropriate and I don't think that is what she is really asking about. She's just trying to make sense of a senseless situation. My prayer is that she grows older she will be able to let go, forgive us both, and enjoy her life to its fullest.
