I realized today, that it was normal. That I felt normal. That I was content. And I realized I was like that yesterday too.
It's been awhile, several months, since contentment has rested with me for longer than a few hours, or a day. Most days I wake up ready to go, smiling, happy with my surroundings, blessed by my life. I am joyful. Then as my mind reminds me of where I am and my lack of stability, my outlook erodes into a fight for joy, then it becomes a scrambling for joy. And some days I have felt that I would settle with anything remotely hinting at not-struggling, not-sadness, not-OKness...it didn't have to be joy exactly.
But today I felt normal. No severe sadness, no severe happiness. Just a focused day of work. A goofy day of laughing and snuggling with my littles. A day that ended with friends rooting for my family.
It was normal. And what normal is to me is contentment. It's not a lack of suffering. It's not a denial of difficult times to come. It is gratitude for where I am at, and where I am going. It is excitement over what God has in store for my daughters and I.
It is relief and just plain wonderful to just feel normal for one, now two days.
Seems we are on an upward trajectory. Can't wait to see what happens now.
