Last night: to bed at 10pm. Rolled over around 1 am and almost squashed a daughter. 10 minutes later another daughter stands at the end of the bed wimpering (this is no concern, she regularly wakes up, notices her sister is missing, runs upstairs, and stands there until I invite her to climb in). I say '20 minutes, then everyone back to there own bed.' They chit chat, I fall back asleep. My alarm goes off 20 minutes later, I march them downstairs, tuck them in and notice...my other daughter is uncovered, shivering and wet. I pick her up, strip her bed, change her nightclothes, make her bed again, tuck her in. She says 'mama, I called out for you, but you never hear me anymore.' Ouch. Kisses and cuddling follow. It is now 3 am. I crawl back into bed and wake up at 5, wondering...wow...tomorrow I have to add 8 hours of work (and a required by the stupid state 20 minute lunch) to this mix.
I am scared that the fog I live in will not lift. That my alertness will just never show up again. That I am in over my head. That I am somehow permanently psychologically damaging my children by abandoning them during the day. Wow. I need help. I need God. Here we go.
"For I know the plans I have made for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
