I had two paths to choose from.
I could have stayed at home with my children. We could have moved into a small apartment, tried to live off of a promise of child support from their father. Spend all day and all night together. Live, laugh and love in each other's company all day long. No material things, no neighbors, schools or familiar friends. Truly starting over with only our immediate mother-daughter relationship as a foundation.
I chose instead to hold on to our home, our familiar friends, neighbors, schools. To work and not depend on a promise. However, our time together is sparse. So sparse that I watch my daughters sleep some nights, just to try to get enough of them for the day (I never do).
Daily I wonder if I made the right choice. But I'm starting to think it's a waste of time to wonder if I did the right thing.
Instead, count my blessings. I love my work, I love where I work. I love being at home with my children. It's a privilege to feel torn between two wonderful worlds.
I will never have enough time with my daughters, so I pray I live in the moment enough to enjoy what time we do have.
